Happy Chinese New Year 2006

My grandma's birthday - 2004. pic by At.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…so, it’s Chinese New Year! And here I am, just left the living room, watching the telly with my dad and mom. The rest are all fast asleep. I don’t really remember clearly what I did, during previous Chinese New Year. Most probably it’s the same as this year.

As a child, I used to look forward to Chinese New Year. No, not because of the ang paos, but more to the occasion itself. Normally, our house will be filled with relatives, and me and my sisters have to sleep in the living room. My uncles will be coming back from Ipoh and KL. So do my sisters.

The reunion dinner will be held at my dad’s shop. As I remember, every year were the same. The mothers will prepare all the food. 3 big tables crammed into my dad’s shop, and everyone happily eating and talking catching up with each other.

And during daytime, especially on the first day, all the relatives will visit our house. It’s sort of like the meeting point of everyone. Everyone will know where to go on the first day. Maybe they did make arrangement and I didn’t know about it. Hmm…

The adults will be with their usual endless rounds of mahjong. Dads will be watching the TV and conversing with each other, while us, the younger ones will be running around the house playing the you-also-played-before-when-you’re-young games. It’s like a party house, filled with the sound of laughter, Chinese New Year songs, people talking loudly, children (that’s us kids) shouting and screaming, running around, and etc. It’s fun, fun and fun. Not to mention the ang paos!!!

Then at night, when everyone has left, all my family members will gather at the kitchen, listening to my uncle from Ipoh talking about his patients, while holding a glass of whisky. He’ll talk and talk and makes everyone laugh.

And as I grew older, I started going out with my friends for visiting. I remember we used to cycle from house to house, and it was so bloody hot! When I look back, I wonder how stupid I was back then. Haha… but those are the things that you do when you are younger.

At 25 years old, the appeal of the Chinese New Year has long gone. A lot of things that happen, has change the way we celebrate Chinese New Year. Even though the appeal of it has gone, but I somehow felt much closer to my family in celebrating Chinese New Year. My main aim of Chinese New Year is to celebrate it with my grandmother, my parents, my lovely sisters and my brothers. Oh yeah, not forgetting my cute nieces and nephews.

People say that as you grow older, you’ll mellow. After all these years, I think I had indeed mellowed a little. I’m not as reckless as I used to be, and I’m felt a more responsible person. Hmm… or should I put it as, I felt I have responsibilities on my shoulder. It makes me evaluate every move that I make and every decision that I take.
Coming back to my hometown this Chinese New Year, my main aim is to stay at home. The ideas of going out, meeting friends, or visiting friends does not appeal to me anymore, too. Perhaps I might visit few really close friends, I somehow felt reluctant to attend mass gathering.

I felt disconnected from few of my friends. After all these years, I feel I have changed a lot. I’m 25. I’ve grown up. I’m forced to grow up. I have to grow up. I do not know whether my judging is right or wrong, but I felt some of my friends are still the same. They are still very much who they are during school days. Maybe they have changed too, but I did not notice it.

They are still talking bullshit like we use to do. Of course, I do still jokes and bullshit around once in a while, but I feel no necessity of it. I’m not a religious person, but I don’t know why a lot of my principles are very Buddhistics. I remember reading a Dhamma book where the Buddha said that if the words that you are going to say is unnecessary, then don’t say it. Say what is necessary. I guess this explains why people find me sort of reserved. But those who are closer to me will think other wise.

One advertisement during this Chinese New Year caught my attention. I’m not sure which company the ads is from, but it’s about family values. It started off with a group of old folks, at the old folks home boasting about their children achievements. One is a highly paid lawyer, another one has a 20000-pound-per-surgery doctor son, and etc.

After 3 of them boasted about their children, they turn to the fourth folk, and ask her what about your son? She just answered, “My son? Yeah, he’s fine. He’s coming to pick me up later.” When the son with the wife and kids to pick up the grandmother, the other folks look stun and wonder where is there children.

If you notice on the television, most of the adverts will placed their focus on family values. I remember attending a forum in Genting Highlands when this guy from Eu Yan Sang was talking about Eu Yang Sang advertisement which is based on family values. A lot of companies are promoting their products by relating it to filial piety.

The con of this is that these companies are taking advantage of the family values. The pro is that these advertisements will remind people to be more loving, and that their own family is the priority. I have these ads to thank to for reminding me about family values from time to time. I’ve never felt closer to my family members than now! That is why I didn’t even plan any visiting rounds during this Chinese New Year. All I want to do is to be at home during this Chinese New Year.

I will visit few close friends, and maybe will turn up in some gathering. No matter what, need to show some face and catch up with some friends too. Haha…

This year will also be the first year that I will be giving out ang pao! Wakakaz… Don’t misunderstand. I’m not married yet. I will be giving ang pao to my parents and my grandma. Nothing special, just an appreciation gesture to them having taking care of me for such a long time and still is. It’s true that when people says that we are always a child in the eyes of our parents, no matter how old we are. :)

Even though Chinese New Year has lost it appeal to me anymore, in term of fun, but it has definitely made it more meaningful to me.

Choy San Yeh, please bless me, ok.

Colleague resignation.

*name changed for privacy, and my own protection of cos(don’t wanna break my own rice bowl! lol )

It was Thursday morning when Tommy told me that he heard Michael is leaving. I was in disbelief. I thought perhaps he heard the wrong name, but he was pretty confident of it.

So, I decided to ask Michael about it when I bumped into him on the way out for lunch. He was rather cool about it, but was surprised that I knew. This must be one of the best kept resignation news.

I spoke to him later that afternoon, and he told me that Friday is his last day. I was indeed shocked. He submitted his resignation one month earlier, and he did not tell a single person, except, of course the person who accepted his resignation. I was a little shocked and sad. He is one of the better guys in the office.

Since Friday is his last day, I decided to have a chat with him, before he left. I went up to his place at 12 ++ pm on Friday, and he was already packing his stuff. We had a long and interesting chat that I even skipped my lunch. He told me a lot of things that happened prior to his resignation.

He was hinted to resign. I am still in a shock. I don’t know how he felt, but I feel for him. He somehow did not live up to the MD’s expectation. And the hint to leave was relayed to him by another director. By the way, he’s an assistant manager. Did he really perform below par?

Michael (left) wishing my manager happy birthday. pics by At.

In my humble opinion (lol), I think not. In fact, I think his hands are tied. I understand him, because more often than not, I feel like him. That is how you will feel, working in a family-run business. You have people sitting on the higher position not on merit, but on blood relation. It’s not easy working with these people who think they are mr or mrs know-it-all, when they know nuts. Working under one of these kinds of people is bad enough, let alone having to work with almost all of them.

That is exactly what Michael is facing. His job scope requires him to deal with most of the managers, and I reckon that he did not get a good appraisal from a number of them, especially the Big Boss. My Big Boss often has his own ideas, and he keeps on changing his mind about things. And sometimes, he can be vague, and hard to please.

I spoke to Michael from time to time. We chat about things like work, life, principles, etc etc. I find him quite knowledgeable, though his dressing might be a little bit… *ahem*. He is a sneaker freak. I lose count of the number of pairs he worn to work.

One thing he told me that I found it kind of true. He said, “This Company need workers, not thinkers.” I have been having the same ideology regarding this company, but his sentence still hit me, and all I could do is agree with him. Have you met a manager who is afraid to see or talk to the customers? I doubt her credentials, really.

Michael almost left without a single word. He never tells anyone about his resignation. News of his resignation is just a rumor and only an exclusive few who know it. I’m really glad that I heard about it just in time for me to catch him.

I might be the only one from below the managerial level to know the whole story. Perhaps I did not know the whole story. Maybe just a bit part, but I might still be the one who knew the most.(?) I somehow suspected that there might be some internal problems among him and those people below him. Chances are that he might have been stabbed from the back.

Well, he has left anyway. I lose a colleague, and I got a friend at the same time. There’s nothing that anyone can do. It might take a little time before the company will be able to find a replacement. I somehow felt the company lose more than Mike do. He’s a thinker worker. Forward thinking and hardworking. In a more obscure way, I believe he’s a victim of office politics.

Can you imagine he is not even being recommended for bonus?

Mitsubishi FTO

Mid twenty

One Voice Forum - on stage with Chief Rev Dhammananda

25. I’ve been alive for a quarter century! Haha… the word century does not hit me as much as the word, mid-twenty. Mid-twenty. When I realize I’m in my mid-twenties, I was freaked out. I still am.

It reminds me of “mid-life crisis”, normally faced by people in their 40. Argghhh… *don’t wanna think* *don’t wanna think*

How time has passed. Fast. Silent. Smooth. I was caught off-guard. In fact, I couldn’t do anything. Time doesn’t wait for anyone. They are the most selfish thing in this world. Maybe they know that they are priceless, and thus they upped their ego and refuse to wait for anyone.

25 good years. Wasted? Or fully utilized? Both.

Sometimes I felt I wasted my time. No thanks to Mr. Procrastination. But often than not, I try to remind myself and live by what Mark Twain once quoted.

“20 years from now, you will regret more at things you didn’t do than those you had done.”

This is the quotation that I used to subdue Mr. Procrastination. Hey, it works! Really. And I use to remind myself of what Tony Robbins said in his book too, to fight off Mr. Procrastination.

Let’s take a walk down my memory lane. (Listening to Rod Stewart’s Greatest American Songbook album…)

What’s significant from my past 25 years?

Baby years.
I don’t remember much about my baby years, but I remember sleeping in the swing. You know, those swing that they put babies to sleep. I remember vividly sleeping in it, and looking, my views were like, “up down, up down, up down…” But I think I was probably already 1 year old then.

I also remember drinking milk from the milk bottle, lying on my mom’s lap. Haha...some might say I couldn’t let go my past, but I’d say these are the memories that put a smile on my face.

When I was very young, I used to go to my father’s shop. It’s a biscuit confectionery. Used to be one of the top in Perak, but…

My grandmother used to bath me, and put those whitish-cooling-powder on my face. Hahaha… And when we hear the sound, “ting ting”, we’ll rush out from the shop. I think most of you should know what “ting,ting” was, and is. I used to like those toffee sweets, in a small box of the size of the Wrigley’s chewing gum, and I think it cost only 10 cents back then. Memorable.

My dad often likes to ask us (my bro or me) to massage for him, and then he will give us 10 cents. Sometimes he forgot to give us, and we will go to his room early in the morning, before he goes down to the shop for collection. Hahaha…

Chung Chen Night School
Chung Chen is a famous Mandarin night school in my hometown. I was enrolled into Chung Chen for standard 1 when I’m only 6 years old. I was really amazed by it, considering that my best subject is Science. I’ve never scored lower than 75% and my constant score for Science is 90% ++. I was surprised myself, when I saw my Chung Chen report card. My worst subjects back then, are now my best. I fared badly in Bahasa Malaysia, English, and Mandarin. Unfortunately, I quit Chung Chen after just one year. I don’t know the reasons, maybe time constraint, or maybe my parents thought I didn’t do well, so they decided not to enroll me for standard 2.

Tadika San Min
I was enrolled into Tadika San Min when I was only 5 years old. Talk about early education now. It was already a normal practice in my family back then.

My most memorable time in Tadika San Min, unfortunately, wasn’t really my happiest time. Haha…but it’s memorable though. I was dead tired one morning, guess I stayed up late playing with my cousins the previous night. I was so tired I refused to wake up to go to school. So, my mom caned me. I was crying right from brushing my teeth, changing, breakfast, until I reach my tadika.

I refused to get down of the car. My teacher had to come out and persuade me to get down. We were walking towards the classroom when we stumbled upon a snail. My teacher caught the snail and brought it into the classroom, just to cheer me up.

Another memorable event during my time in Tadika San Min is during one of the lessons, it was the last lesson of the day. My teacher gave us all a picture of an apple, and asked us to color it. My third sis, the artist of the family, just taught me how to color the day before. Everyone was pressing their color pencil hard on the paper while coloring. I was coloring my apple softly, with some skills taught by my sis. I was so proud, as my apple stood out, when everyone had almost the same apple color. Coincidently, my mom and my sis came over, and my sis told my teacher that she taught me the way of coloring just the night before. :>

There are a lot more memorable events in Tadika San Min, like the Hari Kanak-kanak, picnic trip, Konsert Tadika San Min, sports day, and etc. But it’s too long to write here.

Tadika Assumption
My next kindergarten is Tadika Assumption. It’s just right opposite my future secondary school!

I remember the classroom. Even though it’s small, but I think it can fit around 20 students. My class teacher was an Indian lady. She was really nice.

Oh yeah…the best part of it is that we have a canteen! In my previous kindy, there is no canteen. The teacher will serve the food and drinks on our table for us. We have a canteen for this one, and every recess time, we’ll have to line-up, holding hands, two-by-two. Haha… this sure ring a bell in everyone.

Haha…I think that’s all for now, and will continue later. 25 years old, surely there are a lot of things to look back on. Will post up some pics, hopefully, during CNY. ;)

The day Success is born.

So, it was 23rd January 1981. On this wonderful day, Success is born.

It was my birthday yesterday. And I really had a good day, right from the stroke of 12am, I received my first birthday present from my gf. She bought me a Calvin Klein Eternity. That's my favourite perfume! You will never know how ecstatic I was. Just the perfect gift.



Then I got my first birthday SMS from CO. Good friends remember each other birthday. Aren't they? And I got few more birthday SMSes came in later that nite.

The mother of all birthday gifts (with the exception of the one from my gf) came about 1 and a half hour later, and guess from whom it's from??!!

RIO FERDINAND.

Wah lau...just couldn't contain my joy when he hit that header to the top corner of the net. I was dead sleepy already, watching that boring match that Liverpool looks more like winning. But, being Man Utd, the never-say-die attitude will always be there. Looks like you just can't separate Man Utd and last minute goal. 1-0. Just the right result. Perfect, birthday gift. Thanks, Rio. I'm sorry I've doubted you.

I'm actually very happy that quite a number of my friends remember my birthday! There's nothing more satisfying than to know that your friends remembers you. Thanks a lot, my friends. You know who you are. Some I have not even spoke to them for more than one year, and out of the blue, i got a call or SMS from them on my birthday. I couldn't be more happy.

Initially, my gf and I took leave on Monday, to go shopping. Then, my cousins and sister decided to join us. My sis have been wanting to look for someone to accompany her to Mid Valley. Coincidently, we planned to go to Mid Valley for a weekday-not-so-crowded shopping.

So, we actually celebrated my birthday in Pizza Hut. Hahaha...with a small cake, from BreadTalk.

That's my cousins, Cindy and Judy, my sis, niece and nephew and my gf, with me sitting.

I had a great time shopping with them, eventhough I didn't buy anything. I've gotta cut down on my expenses. Just bought a lappie. So, no $$$. =(


Taken in one of the boutique in Mid Valley.

We were there at about 11am in the morning. And we left at around 5:30pm, just to avoid the jam. Hahaha.. Overall, it's a nice day. Really glad that I had a good time with my loved ones during my birthda

Tears flows...

Unknowingly, tears started gathering in my eyes. I'm helpless, and I couldn't hold it back. My heart was beating heavily. I was afraid. I was in blankness. I do not know what to do, or what to say when I walk thru the gate. But somehow, I gathered my courage, and sped up my steps. I walked by all the guests, and I saw uncle (my friend's dad) talking to other guest. Then auntie saw me, and walked over. She whispered to my ear,"Andy has passed away." That was when my eyes became watery. Uncle came, and shake my hand. He said he have not seen me for very long time. Then the sister patted me on the back, and said "hi".

We had a short chat, before I took a seat and they started playing pictures of Andy, from the day he was born, until his funeral. I just sat quietly watching the pictures projected on the screen. I was emotionless. My mind kept on playing back those times that we had. I remembers how I first heard of him. It was from my eldest sis, who back then, found a part time tuition job, teaching Andy. He lives just a stone throw away from me, in the same neighbourhood.

The moment that hit me was when the pictures of his funeral was shown. The picture of his coffin, and when they bury him. It's hurts so much, I really couldn't imagine that he's now lying under the ground. All sealed up. Breathless.

After the pictures session, I wanted to make a move. So, I went over to talk to auntie, who told one of the guest that I'm Andy's very good friend since young. My eyes became watery again, and then I proceeded to say goodbye to uncle, and that's when tears started flowing down my cheek. This is the first time I went over to his place since his abrupt departure in November.

As far as I can remember, he's the closest person whom I've lost in sudden. My tears can vouch for that. Only time will heal.

Thanks Joanne, for "burning" me a copy of his pictures. I know you miss him. I'm sad with his departure too.

Have you ever sit down and think?

With a map and direction, but still very much lost. Maybe the vehicle is wrong, and the mindset is not right. Why am I here? What am I suppose to do here?

Have you ever sit down and think? Have you ever asked? I asked, but no answers. Perhaps I chose not to listen, and stay with what I believe. Perhaps I may be right. Hard-headed. Frustrated. Restless.

Am I born into this world to live and to die? If you knew that happiness won't last, would you shed another tear? And if sadness too will go away, then there's no place left for fear.

When I look at the past, I asked how much had I been through. Is there any moment that I regretted. Yes, in fact. Certains things that I shouldn't have done. I did. And I regretted. But there's no turning back.

I misses the past. The stress-free time of my life. When I look back, it feels like everyday was Sunday back then. The early morning freshness. The afternoon laziness. And the evening energy.

The smell of freshly cut grasses. The sound of the tennis ball hitting the racquet, right on the sweet spot, and to the ground. The sight of swallows flying in groups.

How things has changed. How time has progressed. Things are totally different now. I've lost few friends along the way, but none hurt more than losing a childhood friend, whom no matter how far I am on the earth, I know he is around, somewhere. Not anymore.

Some ppl gone too soon. My grandpa passed away when he's only 45. I had the love of my grandma, how I wish I had a grandpa to hang around with when I was young. Even though I haven't seen him before, I really do miss him.

Most of my times now are spend fending for myself. Trying to survive in this dog-eat-dog world. I'm not one of the hardworking ppl. That is why I'm constantly struggling, thinking that maybe my smartness will drag me thru. But I do not know how smart I am. So, I can only do my best.

More often than not, only to be hindered by procrastination, who stole all my time!